1. |
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Washing your blood off my hands
In the La Quinta sink
Tangled in the Ithaca nets strung above my abyss
Lies two dogs
Trained to bore holes into the Dean's List
Sitting around tong tossed
Patience now lost on
Fucks I must give
You rest in the sieve
If you’ve got the S.O.S
For mental melanoma
Time for a good hard look
At your dosage
When all my anthropologies capsize
They’ll crack open the Champaign anyways
Looks good to me
(Too much for any cheating hack to handle himself)
Telling everyone I know I don’t know anyone
Cue the symphony of sympathy
Satisfaction that I don’t deserve
The mechanics of the earth
Smelling the blood spill though the water
Will soon attach to suck my semblance through my lips
(It’s never been worth it
In seven years I’ve pissed away
To convince myself and those around my
Matter matters anymore than they do)
A pattern of uneducated guesses
(Oh pitied saving face
Was too true to be good)
And vain successes
(It’s all been one big fucking waste
It’s all been one big fucking waste)
If I could go back in time I would tell me to turn back
Before I couldn’t even if I wanted to this bad
It wasn’t there
The promised answer when
I’m realizing everything’s
Inertia from the versa of devices and the tyranny
Of forces I don’t understand
Wave across the street with my exfoliated hands
That none of you could recognize so all you did was laugh
And when I turn 82
Will I struggle to spin the world around my carcass
Like it does for you?
It feels stupid when I laugh when I go on fucking living
When there’s kids out there today that never will
And irregardless of the fact that they were murdered
The headline simply states that they were killed
If we were switched as babies
You’d make better use
Of all that I have squandered
To reaffirm my long-devoured youth
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2. |
Toyota Prius Passenger
03:48
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Easily forgotten
Facetious fellatio fell out of tune to our song
It's all punching bags and upset stomachs
Like the handwritten timebomb
Car-borne confession to previous outlet of wrongs
I carried from luncheon stags to half whodunnits
Allow me to reintroduce myself with another name
To shatter the specter of sand in my shoes
Haunting every word I say
But everyone is obvious, correct, and obviously correct
Ignorant to the taste my atrium finally separates and they know
You've gone all rotten
Can't you see?
My Iowa cities and Bunker Hill-billies
Predictably place their blame on GDP
A troglodyte cull for the masses
A computer for my grandpa's hogs
Coming home is terrible
When I'm blinded from where home has gone
Reddening and writhing in the sweaty summer heat
Choking all these reckless repetitions out of me
Salad metaphors hyperbole above you
I feel like everyone who's ever gonna love you
I begged to buy a boat for you
To ferry through the Erie
Through the glass to future friends who'll never
Get the chance to hear me
I see your bottlenecking body speciate
Our still life was still life still thrown away
You said it wouldn't make a difference
Whether we could be together or not
Did I barely peak your interest
In those summits where I screamed to the top
I will swallow all your doppelgänger's
Stricken paling solipsistic nonsense
You will never get to realize
The magnitude of me just being honest
Virga tears
Erode our year
You know where to find me
Buzzing in your ear
It's the most i can do
It means nothing to any of you
That's all i'll ever be
Dry heaves of dead leaves and impossibilities
Soon to be
Skin that we sloughed out to CT seas
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3. |
Mauri's Famous Café
02:10
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It's a question of stuffing
My slippery daguerreotypes
Down foie gras throats
It's a question of nothing
Two-hundred fifty-third today
Double tapping vomit notes
It's the means of avoidance
Citrus scent thesaurus
Gumming up gigs leaves things porous
It's the lack of a chorus
Corroding the meat off the bones
Into a flare that only you would know
I will envy you naked in some metastasis oasis
(You could have it all)
Excessively explaining and extending my expatriated love
(Lined up just to fall)
Running from gravity
(Into your fucked up orbit)
A changed hanged man
(Artificially asymmetric best friendships)
Splattered in a Rorschach you're gliding on the lips
And their wavy secretions
(Empty threats to just as empty silhouettes)
Selective deletions of truth over time
Might let this last forever
When the stained glass window shatters
From the suicide next door
Won't you come down softly
When we run right down esophageal lining
Ignore the fact we'll drown
And smile at me from the drivers seat one more time
When I scratch myself to death
Come pick apart my skin again
In somnambulant clenching of my
Fingertips searing grip around my innocence
Self-absorbing satisfaction buses sadly boarded but I'll sometimes miss
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4. |
Twice Removed
03:18
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I am survived
By my first name only
And a blurry face in slow decay
That’s all that you left
It’s all I could’ve kept
Trying to make sense of your
Constant repetition of the words I’ve heard so many times before
Oh how unclean
To dig beneath
This desperate chronology of
Indeterminate intimacy
Factors outside of both of our control
Made all the difference
It held you teetering
It pushed me off the edge
(It held me teetering
It pushed you off the edge)
Never far away from never getting older
Never letting anybody know because we’re just a liability
Victims of vestigial utility
Blinding ourselves to each other’s fragility
Falling down the pedestal
I put you on
You put me on
Tearing down my mom upon the dawn
Bury me in irony
Make my life a joke
Avoid and forget
It’s how the kids these days cope
Laugh on the bus and
Cry when you get home
Make it impossible for mom and dad to truly know
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would kill myself
I would find a way
Don’t know what it meant to me
Too young for weary creases
Too old to be seen
You killed yourself at fifteen
If only we were born to different homes
It would’ve been me
It should’ve been me
You killed yourself at fifteen
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5. |
Happy Birthday
01:55
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6. |
Vaporware
03:12
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Examining my body in the fallout of an ad campaign
I will self-amputate my over-diagnosed remains
To impress myself in buildings that were never built to last
Where they’re serving violent rations to the passive
For an hour and a half
Till they’re dour and understaffed
A free sample of the primate life to empty all our pockets
A preamble to the nominated critical success
We don’t want to hear you scream into a microphone
You are not acting in accordance with our ordinance of
Power to the last
I know everything about you so why do I ask?
How do all of you control yourself so well
When softly murmuring of manic episodes
Playing to a crowd that’s somewhere else
Or jumping up and down to the beat of your trauma
I guess this is the best we can do
Together in our loneliness tantalizing passerby
With feelings that they wish they could try on
Wondering what it would be like
To be a permanent fixture of ire all your life
(Whatever gets you through the night)
Self-professed self-awareness only makes you self victimize
Compartmentalized bad sides
Universally agreed upon
Present past the soon enough
Weathering my memories of Yuzuka
Staved Urbana stains across Champaign
Rust upon my diamond in the rough
Distraction theory scarcely glorified in all my fiction
So I haven’t direction which to run
In cowardly self-spaying of ambition
I fling the things I love into the sun
This is all I have
Syncopated air
Creaking through canals
Never enough for anyone to care
Is this thing on
So you can all drive forks into my
Fleshy thoughts long gone I believe that I am
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7. |
You Know Who You Are
03:29
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Guillotined by my routine
It was only a matter of time I guess
Pretty people only think of me in basketball terms
On call to clean up someone else’s mess
But I will re-read
Every afterthought they hurled my way
cherishing the moments where I somehow somewhat to someone mattered
Nostalgic for the seconds where I didn’t have to be myself
In the
Barometric gradient my bones are crushed between
Stems will curl their toes
To bloom in separate leaves
Centrifugal fricatives would fuck their friction dry
If you or I had any less
Than thrice our life left
Bags of barley tea
A pair of your sleeping shorts
A mug of lukewarm water joggers pierced through their left pocket
Void-borne mouths in toothless rigor mortis laugh at me
I promise you will always be disgusting
Things don’t really change and that’s just how you’ve always been
You’re not clever when you hide behind your second-person shelter
You’re not better, you’ve just sewn yourself in someone else’s skin
You’re a puppet for some molecule fix
A heap of raw meat swimming in an ocean of its shit
You lost the only chance you’ll ever have
And now you’re living every day within an epilogue
You’ll never love again, Max
You’ll just grow older
Your soldered nerves will never pulse like they did then
Because this time I don’t miss being with someone
I miss being with you
Counting asteroids from my dying hermit moon
Watching the sun swallow everything
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8. |
Business Trip
03:05
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If you’ll just swallow my tongue
I will be your archetype
Mutually smothered in lists of previous abandonments
Drowning in our brinkmanship soaked in this methadone spit
Looking for your speckled ore caught within the flickers of my
Refuge of flyover refuse raze
All the reputable sources say I’m acting in acceptable ways
But it's all over now
The second chance is a lie you prescribe yourself
Which in a decade will rip through your pores
And you’re left alone post premature epiphany
Staring out at statuettes that sacrificed more
Mulling over turbulence noise or the beginnings of an earthquake
I have no choice but to show myself off
In these ruined moments of silence
And malformed pulpit grabbing contests
Join me in the gruesome
We can overflow with imitation crocodile tears
Calling out across the crowd
Making eye contact while syncing lips
With every mass-produced cure
Forcibly contort into positions I am increasingly too scared to leave
Your pessimism writing itself
The bottled air leaks through what you undoubtedly made
And in your running you’re becoming its perpetual prey
But I don’t care and they don’t care so no one does
I don’t care and they don’t care so no one does
I don’t care and they don’t care so no one does
I don’t care and they don’t care so no one does
I don’t care and they don’t care so no one does
I don’t care and they don’t care so no one does
I don’t care and they don’t care so no one does
I don’t care and they don’t care so
Treat my body like a toy
I’ll treat your room like a hotel
And I’ll never be a real boy
In second thoughts and might as wells
What’s the worst thing left unsaid
As you hijack the cockpit with your lifelong friends
Chasing antipodal city states by barrel rolling west
Zigzag slices through the continent to crumple in your bed
Bearing witness to my sickness and the way it makes you gag
I will raise a hermit kingdom to protect you from my hand
Running through a city on a river to a lake
Just to prove to you how much my hot dog heart can really take
What’s the worst thing I could say
When you grip me by the minutes and you’re begging me to stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
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9. |
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Snapping under entrance examinations
My corporate servant down payment for the fanciest embalmers
At the finish line I’ll finally be a hobbyist
Ruling over fungi in my carbonated water
Busy with these antacid metaphors
Bay Area Belphegors and Sunday funnies
I turn the other cheek to the bucket kicked from underneath me
Eat this
Not that
A cheaply made but foreign car
Taught to
Rebel politely
In polystyrene cushion walls
Pandora’s patterns
I wished they’d watch me bleed
If blood was what they saw me for
I’ve lost it once
I’ve boiled over
Just distance from the what i was
Cut your bangs saving face for fades
Wet my nostrils in center stage
Because I’m afraid to be alone this time when summer falls away
Panning out to elderly cliché
Actress one takes hand of actor two
Looks him in his hurricane eyes
And tells him that he’s so so different
(Actress one take hand of actor two)
A pair of deaf smiles form way too quickly in red blue green
(Tells him how different this all feels)
Indifferent to the screams I scrawled in letters never written
They’re saying words but I’m losing what they mean
I’m just a product of my
Sum collected kindling burning up
In the crumbling of an empire
Scrambling to draw up the play by play
For every risk of statistic significance
Praying to the zeitgeist path of least resistance
I am a low ranking member of
The alternative-industrial complex
Because I am just a shell to live vicariously through
In daydreaming of how I’d gamble
All the things I’ve earned in my life
I will convince myself that I’m irreparably unlike all of you
But all of us are equal horizontally
And all my friends are doing what they want
When I’m just doing what I think I have to
I can’t wait for the day
When they optimize my outward thoughts away
Fuck you mean this a drill beat
Rap just like Tennessee, I got means
Decapitation, Twitter fingers
Ratio and angus
Beef
We don’t do smoke we do bangers
Mosh pit, sick and plastered
First half, yeah they had us
Can’t trick me come at me
No mask on I’m the baddest
Bitch I look good
Bitch I feel good
Pretty boys in the city now we make itty noise
This ain’t no dizzy flow but we keep going like In-N-Out
Drive through it
I ride through it, reject that shit I fly through it
I’m binding it, repent that shit like Isaac
Where your eyes at?
I’m right here, too tied up, where your ties at?
Where your mind at?
Get side tracked, fuck a right hand
When I write in this verse yeah I turn into a big man
Bro I’m big mad
Yeah I’m big mad
Bro I’m big mad
Yeah I’m big mad
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10. |
Dry Socket
04:38
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Start them while they're young you raise they raze the sun
Blowing off the smoke they take into their lungs
You play God and they'll play games
Fumble all the memories you couldn't recreate
You're dying quicker now time to grow the fuck up
Look she's given up
Motherless and fatherless ambition
Miscarried through addiction
Peer review from the sidelines show
No one could have possibly known
How she'd end up
(Mom and dad it hurts
Mom and dad it got so much worse)
If I'll end up in the same shithole town
(Mom and dad it hurts
Mom and dad it got so much)
Gather round watch me run
(Mom and dad it hurts
Mom and dad it got so much worse)
To shirk the needle fever in my blood
The stove is on
Shoes aren't where they belong
You got it all wrong
You've made the same mistakes before so
This was you all along
You just never passed it on
Just imagine all the lives that would improve if you were gone
So drown me out
While my million different fabricated sicknesses keep me down
I don't know what is wrong with me
And I don't ever wanna find it out
I couldn't bear to fill these so-called
Predetermined holes with responsibility
Thin veneer of future comfort
Glues the grinding sutures under
You'll live in the present but I won't
And you won't live forever
If I act like you're supposed to
But I might as well be dying if I don't
Thin veneer of future comfort
Glues the grinding sutures under
You'll live in the present but I won't
And you won't live forever
If I act like you're supposed to
But I might as well be dying if I don't
Stuff my body parts in boxes
Sent to all my family and friends
So they can take pride in their perfect handiwork
I am not me
I am not me
I am not me
I am not me
I am not me
I am not me
I am not me
I am not me
I am not me
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Decapitation In The Food Court Champaign, Illinois
WE ARE DECAPITATION IN THE FOOD COURT
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